Weekend // Aquapocalypse

Well, it was certainly an interesting weekend to work in a Boston restaurant. We found out at about 4:30, right before dinner service, that we weren’t allowed to serve water to anyone. Not only that but we couldn’t serve any sodas or cocktails made with ice. Going into a busy Saturday night, we were wondering how exactly this was going to work.



It also happened to be the first night that our patio was open this season. The first table that I had out there had not heard about the water problem, so I tried to explain it to them.



So, you can’t serve us water?

No, I’m sorry, we just found out. One of the managers is going to the store to get bottled water and soda, but we can’t serve you anything from the tap.

Well, you have refrigeration?

Yes.. ?

The refrigeration lines require water -

Yeah, but we’re not drinking the water from the refrigeration lines. Look, this is happening all over the city, it’s not like we’re the only jerks here that can’t give you water.

I can’t do this!



The grown man threw up his arms in frustration and lifted out of his seat, his wife apologizing for him. He walked across the street to the 7-11 and grabbed himself a Perrier. I have to say, though, aside from this one dude, people were surprisingly understanding.



From a service point of view, the water problem actually made our jobs so much easier by eliminating a waiter's worst enemies: coffees, hot teas, and cappuccinos. This was especially clutch at brunch. 



Speaking of brunch, it was the Walk For Hunger this past Sunday. My restaurant is on the route, so we got to watch the endless parade of people shuffling by. Two observations:



1. There was a sign on Beacon Street that said “Be Sure to Drink a Lot of Water!,” which was awesome. I blew it by not taking a picture.



2. The two ladies who couldn’t make it through the entire Walk for “Hunger” without stopping in for some french toast and bacon. Really, ladies? Really?

We also saw some excitement this weekend with a pretty major shake-up in management. “Alfredo,” our assistant manager who started maybe two weeks ago, got fired. This is unfortunate because he was a good source of comedy and now we won’t have any new Alfredo stories.



Before becoming our assistant manager, he was brought aboard to teach a weekly wine class with the front of house staff. Well, one Thursday, he pulled a no-call-no-show, which is one of the worst things you can do in the restaurant industry (or any other one for that matter). How was he rewarded for this awesome display of unreliability? With a job in management!


Needless to say, his short stint as a manager quite literally got off to a “shaky” start: he passed out twice during his first three shifts. Another red fleg, perhaps? 

His behavior always became increasingly erratic towards the end of any night he worked. We’re talking heavy sweats, long trips to the bathroom, chugging suspiciously large amounts of water, discombobulation, confusion, etc. We all knew there was something shady going on with him.



He closed the restaurant by himself for the first time on Thursday and for the last time on Saturday. Over the course of these three shifts where he was left alone without supervision, he was spotted doing a number of weird things:

He was seen bringing two pieces of bread into the bathroom, where he remained for fifteen minutes. The bread in the bathroom story became an instant hit and will not soon be forgotten. I personally watched him stumble out to his car, where he sat for a moment before he proceeded to walk up the little hill in our parking lot and disappear into the bushes. Six or seven bottles of white wine were found open in the walk-in downstairs. He was also known to pour himself “diesel” glasses of wine during service. On Saturday night, he walked around the restaurant asking where Holly was...



You guys, where’s Holly? Where’s Holly, you guys? Has anybody seen Holly? I don’t know if I have enough money to pay Holly.

Um, Holly left three and a half hours ago.

The best was on Saturday when he was explaining his position at the restaurant..



The restaurant is a pool and you’re all swimming in it. I’m the lifeguard, you guys, and I need to know that everyone in the pool is safe at all times.



All things considered, I’m not so sure I’d want to be swimming in any pool that he’s in charge of watching.

After firing him, our owner had this to say:

I thought he was a little goofy.

2nd Annual Oyster Invitational @ B & G

With the warmer days upon us, patios around the city have started opening up. On May 2nd, you can head down to the South End and help celebrate the opening of B&G Oyster's beautiful backyard patio with the restaurant's second annual Oyster Invitational. The event includes participation from other big-time Boston restaurants such as Neptune Oyster, No. 9 Park, Oleana, O Ya, The Butcher Shop, Sal de la Terre, and more. For the $65 admission you'll be treated to an awesome variety of freshly shucked oysters and small plates, not to mention the beer and wine tastings. The festivities will kick off at noon and, even though the price tag seems a bit steep, this is a very unique event and the food is guaranteed to be fantastic. To make a reservation, you can call B&G at 617.423.0550.

Sorry and Thanks

I know that everyone has been compulsively checking back here to find the second installment of “Dining With the Stars,” and I’m sorry that I haven’t yet delivered on my promise. The truth is, I wrote up a post that chronicled some of my run-ins with local “celebrities” but I thought twice about putting it up here because I was a little too harsh on Bob Lobel. So, while I reconsider my approach there, I just want to thank the lady who left me a $90 tip on her $160 bill on Thursday night. Earlier in the evening I was thinking about how it had been a long time since someone left me a random, super kick-ass tip, so the timing was absolutely brilliant…

And, for your listening pleasure, here's the new song from The National. It's called "Blood Buzz Ohio" and I'm pretty obsessed with it right now.

This is What You Should Do Tonight

"What should we do tonight?” 

“I don’t know, something.” 


They shrug and wind up going to the same old Irish bar around the corner. They see the same people, drink the same drinks, eat the same previously-frozen bar snacks. They’re trapped in a comfort zone, stuck in a routine. Sure they have fun sometimes, but there’s an element of excitement missing from their social lives. Everything just feels a little stale.
 This is a common situation amongst young people all over the city. They know that there are unique and exciting experiences out there just waiting for them, but they don’t have the ambition to find out where. From crazy cocktail challenges to obscure trivia nights, Boston’s restaurants and bars are constantly coming up with new themes and weekly traditions that many people are completely unaware of. So, for those of you who are looking for something to do, here is a rundown of some of the city’s most interesting and affordable nights out.


Our week starts on Monday. For most, Monday is a day of mourning for the weekend that passed away far too soon. Well, the best way to get over your beginning of the week sorrows is to drown them in booze. If you don’t have to work or be in school, you can start your day early by hitting up the brunch at Trina’s Starlite Lounge in Inman Square, where you can chase down your biscuits and gravy breakfast with a delicious mango bellini. As you leave the comfort of the retro lounge, greeted by the somewhat uncomfortable rays of the afternoon sun, you squint and decide that you need to rest up for the excitement that awaits you on the rest of your Monday Funday.

On Monday night you have a couple of good options. There’s always the poker night at the Vegas Lounge in Norwood. Yes, we all know that gambling is illegal in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, but there are ways around that. Every Monday night, you can find anywhere between fifty to one hundred players congregated around five Hold ‘Em tables in this unassuming stripmall bar in the suburbs. The drinks are incredibly cheap and the owners offer up free pizza to the players, so if you’re feeling lucky, punk, this might be a good remedy to your case of the Mondays.

If you don’t have the disposable income to throw away on games of chance or the inclination to drive out to Norwood, then head up to Beacon Hill, where you’ll find the 6B Martini Lounge Bar & Restaurant. In addition to excellent 25-cent chicken wings, starting at 8:00 pm the 6B offers one of the most fun trivia nights in the city. Hosted by the aptly-named “Trivia Guys,” it takes on a free-form style that is severely lacking from the numerous Stump!-organized trivia nights around the city. The grand prize is a $30 gift certificate that you can use immediately, with different prizes also being offered to second and third place teams. Be sure to say hi to Olive, 6B’s resident Monday night server and DJ if you decide to stop by.

Mondays are also home to the best standing hip-hop date in the area. Mattapan’s very own Big Shug, founding member of the Gang Starr Foundation, takes to the stage every Monday night at the Wonder Bar in Allston. Backed by a live band and featuring a weekly special guest star, Big Shug puts on a different show every week and there’s never a cover!


Come Tuesday, you need to head down to Estragon in the South End for their weekly exploration of classic cocktails. Join their resident mixologist, Eric Cross, on a journey through 100 turn of the century and prohibition-era cocktails that you won’t find anywhere else. There is a grand prize for the first person to make their way through all 100 cocktails, so you should probably hurry up and start drinking. Pad your stomach with some of their authentic Spanish tapas, including the Tocino, Miel y Marconas. That’s pork fat back, spanish honey, and Marcona almonds on toast. I can tell you’re skeptical. You can’t get over the part about the pork fat back. Well, get over it, because it’s one of the tastiest bites you’re sure to experience in the city. Remember, folks, fat equals flavor.


For a less sophisticated night out, you can head back to Allston on Tuesdays for the weekly Beer Pong tournament at the Draft Bar & Grille. Over the past few years, beer pong has exploded in popularity. From a myriad of “official” rulebooks that you can find at Urban Outfitters to the orange ping-pong balls now sold at the counter of your local White Hen Pantry, the game is everywhere. So, you’re invited to bring your skills every Tuesday night, when you can enjoy drafts for $2.50 and pitchers for $9. Compared to other bars in the area, it is relatively low-key and boasts a nice patio, complete with an outdoor bar, where you can enjoy a Pabst and a Parliament when weather permits.


Tuesdays also offer a couple of fantastic weekly comfort food extravaganzas. Check out Taco Tuesdays at Tremont 647, where local celebrity-chef Andy Husbands offers up a menu of $2 tacos each and every week. There are more $2 treats across the river, at dante in Cambridge. Starting at 5:30, every Tuesday night, they will be featuring different grilled cheese sandwiches inspired by the restaurant’s favorite Italian films. Previous offerings have included the Under the Tuscan Sun, with buffalo mozzerella, roasted tomato, and pistachio pesto, and The Godfather, filled with eggplant, mozzerella, tomato, and Sicilian oregano.

On Wednesday, your best bet is to stick to Cambridge. At M.I.T., there is a relatively-unknown establishment doing some relatively awesome things. At the Muddy Charles Pub, you can enjoy all the wings you can eat - for free! That’s right, in addition to their ridiculously low-priced beer list, the fine folks at the Muddy Charles offer up free chicken wings every week! Dealing with the robot-building nerds that make up the clientele is a small price to pay for such deliciousness. Just kidding, we love the nerds and their robots. Where would we be without them?


Just a short walk away from the Muddy Charles is Kendall Square, where Flattop Johnny’s hosts free pool every Wednesday after 9:00 pm. Their bartenders control the iPod, so the music is always as ecclectic as its choice of beers.

Speaking of iPods, each and every Thursday, dBar gives you the chance to show off your musical prowess with their UB the DJ night. Make a playlist and bring your mp3s down to Dorchester for the chance to control the house music. Show off those indie chops by introducing people to new bands they’ve never heard of or stick to the classics and watch as people do the Humpty-Hump upon your command. They feature an extensive and affordable seasonal cocktail list, with unique creations like the Huckleberry-Rhubarb Martini and the Celebration Sangria, a devious mixture of red wine, Jim Beam, and fresh fruits and spices.

By now you’ve drank your week away but you’re entitled to celebrate Clink’s “Finally Friday” anyway. Located in the Liberty Hotel which is actually the old Charles Street Jail, Clink offers modern American cuisine while maintaining the vestiges of original jail cells, which have been retrofitted for casual fine dining. Clink can be pricey, but if you catch them on Friday night, you can enjoy some raw bar and chacruterie bargains while taking in the most unique atmosphere offered by any restaurant in Boston.

Fridays also give you the chance to visit the Boston Globe’s recent Munch Madness winner, The East Coast Grill in Inman Square, where they invite you to “go whole or go home.” Each week in the spring and summer, Chef Chris Schlessinger and his team will be roasting a whole pig in their backyard.
The accompaniments and rubs will change from week to week, so you might want to keep checking back. Wake up early on Saturday to head back to Tremont 647. You tried their tacos on Tuesday and now it’s time to experience their pajama brunch. The service staff remains cool and calm in their robes and kimonos, while you get to munch on the city’s best Huevos Rancheros and sip on the Tremont Tang, an easy-going concotion of vodka and orange juice in a martini glass rimmed with the space-age favorite, Tang.

On Sunday morning, you can trade in your footsies for platform shoes and check out the Disco Brunch at Gargoyle’s on the Square in Somerville, where you can enjoy Pumpkin-Butterfinger pancakes or a Nutella Smoothie with liquid nitrogen and banana. Chef Jason Santos, known around the city as “Blue Jay” on account of his blue-dyed hair, has created the ultimate neighborhood spot in Davis Square and his Disco Brunch is an excellent opportunity to enjoy his creations at an affordable price.


On Sunday nights, Park Square’s Avila hosts a weekly Sabor de Espagne, or Taste of Spain. For only $28, you’ll enjoy a special three-course prix-fixe menu prepared by Chef Rodney Murillo to honor the flavors of Spain. Options include a classic Chilled Tomato Gazpacho and Braised Short Ribs with Brussels Sprouts and Creamy Corn. For dessert, don’t miss out on the Spanish Churros with Chocolate Sauce and Dolce de Leche.


By the time Sunday is over, you will hopefully be ready for a good night’s sleep only to start the process again with a visit to Trina’s in the morning. You’ve heard about those Chicken and Waffles, you’ve spent the whole week regretting the fact that you didn’t order them. You look forwad to defending your trivia title at the 6B, and suddenly you’re stuck in a new routine that makes the city feel just a little bit bigger.











Trina's Starlite Lounge - 3 Beacon Street, Somerville, MA 02143 (617) 576-0006
The Vegas Lounge - 36 Vanderbilt Avenue, Norwood, MA 02062 (781) 769-1888
6B Martini Lounge Bar & Restaurant - 6 Beacon Street, Boston, MA 02108 (617) 742-0306
Wonder Bar - 186 Harvard Avenue, Allston, MA 02143 (617) 351-2665
Estragon - 700 Harrison Avenue, Boston, MA 02118 (617) 266-0443
The Draft Bar & Grille - 34 Harvard Avenue, Allston, MA 02134 (617) 783-9400
Tremont 647 - 647 Tremont Street, Boston, MA 02118 (617) 266-4600
dante - 5 Cambridge Parkway, Cambridge, MA 02142 (617) 497-4200
The Muddy Charles Pub at MIT - 142 Memorial Drive, Cambridge, MA 02139 (617) 253-2086
Flat Top Johnny's - 1A Kendall Square, Cambridge, MA 02141 (617) 494-9565
dBar - 1236 Dorchester Avenue, Dorchester, MA 02125 (617) 265-4490
Clink Restaurant at The Liberty Hotel - 215 Charles Street, Boston, MA 02114 (617) 224-4004
East Coast Grill - 1271 Cambridge Street, Cambridge, MA 02139 (617) 491-6568
Gargoyles on the Square - 219 Elm Street, Somerville, MA 02144 (617) 776-5300

Dining With the Stars: Part I

Celebrities are people, too, and they need to eat. Sometimes celebrities go to restaurants. I’ve had the pleasure of waiting on a few. Perhaps you don’t consider some (most?) of them to be “celebrities,” but it’s pretty awesome when someone even semi-recognizable walks into your restaurant, so I thought it might be fun to talk about some of these people.

Here's some background music.



Gene Hackman



Back when I was a young waiter slash college dropout in New Mexico, Gene Hackman used to come into my restaurant all the time. He was the first celebrity that I ever had any sort of real contact with and he remains the absolute coolest of them all. Though his far-younger wife was somewhat rude, Gene was always incredibly friendly and appreciative. He was incredibly social and always wanted to talk. He couldn’t eat the Tacos Satanicos on account of his lactose intolerance.

My biggest regret with Gene is that I never got to pitch him my awesome idea for Superman V, which involved experimental drugs causing Christopher Reeve to believe that he truly was Superman and that Gene truly was Lex Luthor. Would've been huge.

Judge Reinhold



Again, this was back in New Mexico. Our kitchen closed at 10 and I got a phonecall at 9:50:



Thank you for calling the Blue Corn Cafe, this is Anthony, how can I help you?

Hi, I was wondering what time you closed?

Kitchen closes at 10.

Okay, we’re on our way right now -

Well, you better hurry up!

I hung up the phone, all pissed off that I had another table coming in. Even though I still get upset about that sort of thing, I would never be so explicitly rude about it. I was still developing my sense of hospitality, I suppose. Five minutes go by and in walks a tall man and his pretty blonde wife.

Holy shit.



Judge Reinhold.



Kids these days probably don’t have much appreciation for the man, but growing up a child of the 80’s, I was pretty floored when I saw him walk in. He approached the host desk, all timid..



Uh, we called...



Holy shit.
That was Judge Reinhold on the phone.
I told Judge Reinhold that he needed to “hurry up.”



I brought him to his table and happily took care of him. He had a very genuine quality to him and was as gracious as just about anyone I’ve ever waited on, let alone a celebrity. He asked for extra pickles. Apparently, Judge Reinhold loves pickles. I brought him a whole bowl.

T’was the least I could do.



Matt Cassell



Matty (as we came to call him) and his tall, athletic wife are really down-to-earth, awesome people. The first time he came into my restaurant was during the 2008 pre-season. He was the back-up quarterback at the time and no one recognized him when he first came in. He sat at the bar and ordered a MacCallan 18 on the rocks.



More like a MacCallan 18 and 1...

The Pats had infamously gone 18-1 in the previous season, you see. I didn’t actually say that to Matt, though he might have found it humorous. Maybe not.



The next time we saw him was after the season opener against Kansas City. T. Brady had gone down with a knee injury early in the game, giving Matty his first starting job since high school. While most of Patriot Nation thought we were “all done,” all of us at the restaurant were psyched for the guy. Sure, we figured we weren't going to win the Super Bowl, but we felt like we needed to root for Matt. After the game we joked around about how cool it would be if he came into the restaurant to celebrate his big win.

And then he did.



This time, everyone recognized him. Chef prepared them all kinds of mid-courses and spent a lot of time chatting with him at the table. I can confidently say that it was the first time Matt was treated like the star he would soon become. Chef got a little excited and tried to give him hats from the restaurant so that he could wear on television. We were all relieved when he couldn’t find any.



Matt continued to come into the restaurant with some frequency, always personally thanking and shaking hands with everyone in the building on his way out. He also had a very underrated season for the Patriots, leading them to the same record that Brady did upon his return in 2009.

I remember there was one time when he was having dinner and Wes Welker kept texting him. Welker kept asking him what he was up to and Matty lied because he didn’t want to hang out with him.



The last time we saw him was when someone asked to take a picture with him. That’s probably not why he stopped coming in, but we always thought that it might have tainted what he considered a fairly low-key little restaurant in the ‘burbs.

Bill Richardson


Governor of New Mexico, former presidential candidate and ambassador to North Korea. He ate very loudly, which is a huge pet peeve of mine. 




These are the more exciting ones, but we'll delve into the lower and more local levels of celebrity next time.

Munch Madness

Every year it seems like radio stations and other media outlets try to capitalize on the NCAA's March Madness fever by hosting their own "tournaments." This year, Boston.com is hosting their very first "Munch Madness," where they pit 64 of Boston's most popular restaurants against one another in an epic four-bracket food fight. The voting has come down to the Final Four restaurants, which are Toro, East Coast Grill, Orinoco, and Hungry Mother. Despite my own negative opinion of them, Toro has to be considered the favorite going into this round, as they are the only #1 seed left in the competition. Voting for the Final Four is open through April 1st, so head on over there and cast your vote. Mine's going to the ECG.

Edit - Looks like the East Coast Grill is your 2010 Munch Madness Champion, destroying Hungry Mother in the final round.

Happy Birthday, Dale

Just wanted to send a little happy birthday note to my friend Dale.

I don't know Dale very well. In fact, we just met tonight.

She was an older woman, somewhere in her sixties. They were a party of three, though one of them was late.

Can I bring you some water while you wait for your other friend?
We have someone meeting us.

A lovely woman, that Dale. Did I mention that it was her birthday?

She dined with two of her (old-)lady friends. They got sassy, opting for Pear Sidecars instead of Cosmos. Despite their seemingly impenetrable personalities, I wanted to like them just on account of their creative drink order.

Dinner went off without a hitch. They didn't require much attention. I knew that they weren't into having any sort of close contact with their lowly server, so I held back and attended to them silently, only when needed.

Knowing that it was Dale's birthday, I brought dessert menus over to them after their entrees were cleared. They didn't seem like the types of ladies who would order dessert but birthdays were special, so who knows.

I brought you some dessert menus.
What?
Huh?
I brought you some dessert menus...
I thought you said ONIONS.

Onions? What?

Seeing their dessert menus stacked up in a neat little pile off to the side of the table, I thought that I was in the clear. A quick dismissal of the menus usually results in a rejection of dessert, a prompt drop of the check, and an insincere thanks-so-much.

So, did you see anything you'd like to try for dessert?
No dessert but a whole bunch of decaf.
No onions?

They liked that one. They laughed.

Make sure mine's decaf.
No way, I'm giving you regular!
Well, you know, some restaurants give you regular when they run out of decaf.
Oh, I would never do that to you!

I tried to win them over with whatever charm I could muster up which wasn't really very much. I had to rely more on cheap parlor tricks, like melting a wax candle to birthday Dale's coffee cup, since she didn't order any dessert. As a server I feel it's my responsibility to make sure you get to blow out a candle on your birthday, but your lack of a dessert order makes it tricky sometimes.

They thought that it was a cute gag and I kinda thought I had them.

After they paid, they sat for two hours before finally getting up. I was surprised to see Dale approach one of the waitresses, angry.

I listened as Dale launched into a tirade about how she was so upset that the restaurant didn't send her a complimentary birthday dessert. I folded napkins and listened to this, laughing to myself. She argued that it was bad business for a restaurant to refrain from practices like giving away free product.

As she repeated the story to my general manager, I lit the candle on a complimentary cookie plate for table 33. Dale eyed the cookies and even mentioned them as I walked away, smiling. It was literally the first time I had given away a dessert at this particular restaurant and the timing couldn't have been any better. Seriously, lady in your sixties, you're mad because you didn't get a free scoop of vanilla ice cream on your birthday? I would argue that she was mad that her two friends split the bill three ways with her. If I were her I'd be a lot more upset about the Scallops and Sidecar than the scoop of vanilla.

So, wherever you are, happy birthday, Dale! Thanks for the laughs and good times, hopefully we can do it again sometime.

Boston Beer & Bacon Festival

Mark your calendars because Boston is ready to celebrate two of your favorite things: bacon and beer. On Saturday, April 24th @eatBoston and SoWa Sundays will be hosting the first-of-its-kind Boston Beer & Bacon Festival at the Power Station in the South End. Restaurants from all over the city (including Trina's Starlite Lounge and Myers & Chang) will be sharing their best bacon-themed dishes, while local breweries will offer up some of their sudsy creations to go along with them. Tickets start at $25, with all proceeds going to charities such as the Juniper Fund, Share Our Strength, Community Servings, and South End Youth Baseball, so you won't have to feel too guilty about partaking in the indulgence of it all. Tickets can be purchased in advance on their website and you must be 21 to attend.

Why Not Inman Square?

The next time you’re planning a pub or app crawl, you might want to check out the sometimes-overlooked neighborhood of Inman Square. Nestled between its more popular cousin squares of Harvard and Central, Inman is a favorite among hipsters, college kids, and folks in the restaurant industry. With the addition of Trina’s Starlite Lounge this past September, Inman has solidified its status as one of Boston’s best neighborhoods for great food and cheap beer.

Trina’s takes over the old Abbey Lounge spot on the Somerville side of Beacon Street, on the very outskirts of Inman Square. Located under an old-school Miller High Life sign, in a plain and unassuming brick building, it might be easy to mistake it for the type of dimly lit joint where old men hide from the sunlight, swapping stories over Wild Turkey while they inhale the dust from piles of losing scratch tickets. On the contrary, when you enter Trina’s, you are welcomed into a 1950’s throwback lounge that keeps things classy and restrained despite the invitation for kitsch. Local artist, and part-time bartender, Thomas Tietjien provides much of the cozy space’s retro-inspired artwork.

Trina’s is the brainchild of Trina and Beau Strum, who spent years behind various Boston bars before tackling their own enterprise. Josh Childs, co-owner of the legendary downtown Silvertone Bar and Grill, is a partner in the business, as is general manager, Jay Bellao. Given the ownership’s deep connections in the city, Trina’s was a highly anticipated project that proved to be an instant success upon opening. Fueled by one of Boston’s most creative cocktail lists and a whimsical menu of delicious comfort food, word of mouth quickly spread.

Perhaps their most popular menu item, Trina’s Dog of the Day has reached a cult status through daily Facebook status updates sent to their 1,500 friends. Every day, Trina’s chefs use their wit and creativity to come up with a new way to cook a hot dog, with consistently delicious results. Recent dogs have included the Tostada Dog, the Fish and Chip Dog, and the Farmer’s Market Dog, which is made from all local ingredients, wrapped in smoked bacon and topped with brocolli and Brussels sprouts hash, laced with a mustard maple sauce. Trina’s also features the best Chicken and Waffles available in the city. The chicken is moist and juicy, fried picture-perfect and crispy on the outside, and served over homemade buttermilk waffles. All of that is topped with a hot pepper syrup that contributes to the dish’s spot-on contrast of sweet and savory. There is a superb veggie burger also available to those so inclined.

The cocktail list features the freshest seasonal juices, fruits, herbs, and spices. As they say, “if we can make it ourselves, we do.” Many of the liquors that they use are obscure, which can make for a fun learning experience. Try their Samata, made from Bison Grass vodka, ginger syrup, lemon juice, green tea, and mint if you want something refreshingly different. On a cold winter day, try the Adirondack, made with butter-infused bourbon and real maple syrup. If you’re not really into the fancy cocktails, then check out their beer list, which appeals to the hipster looking for an ironic can of Schlitz for $3 or the beer snob, who might appreciate the Dogfish Head 60 Minute IPA on draft. My favorite happens to be the bucket of Miller High Life ponies for $11.

Because the owners have all spent years working in restaurants, they have recently started hosting industry brunches on Mondays, though everyone is more than welcome. Complete with classic sugary cereals, Saturday morning cartoons, and their signature “Velvet Elvis” French Toast, stuffed with peanut butter, bananas, and chocolate-covered bacon, Trina’s has applied the same ideas that have made them such a successful nighttime establishment to the day shift. There might be no better way to start the week than a plate of Huevos Rancheros and a Hair of the Dog, a dangerously easy to drink combination of vodka, Licor 43, orange juice, and orange soda.

Trina’s joins Bukowski’s Tavern and Chef Chris Schlesinger’s seminal East Coast Grill in Inman Square, as exciting options for great food that maintains a sense of fun and won’t break the budget. Bukowski’s, which also has a more popular sister location on Dalton St. in the Back Bay, is born from the same love of nostalgia that Trina’s is and boasts one of the city’s most impressive beer lists. If you’re overwhelmed by the selection, leave it to the fates and give their Beer Wheel a spin. Right next door to Bukowski’s is the East Coast Grill, which has been serving up delicious food for over twenty-five years now. With its focus on bright flavors, fresh seafood, live fire and barbeque, its popularity is at an all-time high, thanks to a featured segment on the Travel Channel’s Man vs. Food. Similar to Trina’s, they draw industry people into their dining room on Mondays by holding special events like Hell Night, Bob Marley Night, Pig Around the World Night, and Put a Little South in Your Mouth Night. These events sell out almost as quickly as they are announced.

There are a lot of good things going on in this often forgotten-about neighborhood quietly tucked away in the middle of everything. If you can’t drive, then hop on an MBTA bus (lines 69, 83, or 91) and get yourself a Nacho Dog at Trina’s or a Hobo Special at Bukowski’s or a bowl of Ghost Chili Pasta at the East Coast Grill (though, you might want to bring a pen, as you’ll need to sign a waiver).

(Trina’s Starlite Lounge is open 7 nights a week from 5 pm – 1 am, serving dinner until midnight. Brunch is available Mondays from 12 pm – 4 pm. Trina’s is located at 3 Beacon Street, Somerville, MA 02143.)

Here Comes Restaurant Week(s)

Happy March, ladies and gentlemen! We’ve made it through the worst of the winter and spring is just around the corner. In Fort Myers, the Red Sox have started playing games and, here in Boston, we are getting ready for Restaurant Week once again.


This year marks the 5th anniversary of Boston Restaurant Week (which actually runs for two weeks), when the best spots in the city offer three-course prix fixe menus at the low cost of $33.10 for dinner and $20.10 for lunch (the price increases one cent annually, echoing the current year). Co-sponsored by the Greater Boston Convention & Visitors Bureau and American Express, the twice-a-year event (there’s also one in August) is designed to drum up a little business during an otherwise slow time of year for restaurants. In theory, it’s a great opportunity to go out and try new places whose normal prices may cause you a bit of hesitation.

In reality, Boston Restaurant Week is a complete zoo, with most restaurants offering food of a substantially lower quality than they regularly do, thereby maximizing their profits. The whole thing is really one big smoke and mirrors trick that the industry plays upon the public. Aside from the steak houses and some of the elite “special occasion” restaurants like L’Espalier, Mistral, and No. 9 Park, you can go into just about any participating restaurant on a normal day and have a higher quality dinner at a comparable price. During Restaurant Week, many of the better restaurants cut back on the creativity of their menus, in an effort to please the fairweather foodies who only come out this time of year, while also using inferior (cheaper) ingredients and slashing portions. Nonetheless, the four weeks of the year that make up Boston Restaurant Week are always among the busiest.



In addition to being short-changed on the meal, another aspect of your Restaurant Week experience that is likely to suffer is your service. Restaurants employ a turn-and-burn attitude, trying to cram as many of you into their dining room as possible. For servers, this is a horrible time of year and I always make it a point to plan my vacations accordingly. You would think that it might be a lucrative deal for us, as more business should theoretically equal more money in our pockets, but that’s simply not the case. Not only are the typical Restaurant Week diners, on average, “more frugal” than our normal cliente, thereby leading to lower check averages and worse tips, but the restaurants also stack the schedule, adding as much help as they can. This often results in more trouble and less money for us.



If, after all of that, you still feel like braving Restaurant Week, there are a couple of restaurants who actually do an outstanding job with it:

First, Gargoyle’s on the Square (Davis Sq., Somerville) offers many of Chef Jason Santos’ delicious signature dishes, such as Hawaiian-Style Tuna Poke and Hoisin and Honey Glazed Duck Confit. I always make it a point to get to Gargoyle’s for Restaurant Week because it’s the only time of the year that they’re open on Mondays, which is my night off. They have an innovative cocktail list and a cozy dining room, making this one of my favorite restaurants in the city.

Pigalle (located adjacent to the Stuart Street Theater in the Theatre District) was a treat last year and, by the looks of their menu, is ready to knock it out of the park once again. Instead of the typical three or four options, they offer eight appetizers to choose from (including Bacon-Wrapped Wellfleet Oysters and Duck Liver Terrine) and nine entrees (Slow Cooked Pork Belly and Steak Frites with Creamed Spinach are calling me).


Restaurant Week runs from March 14-28, but participation on Fridays and Saturdays varies from restaurant to restaurant, so you might want to check on that. Reservations can be made through OpenTable or through the Boston Restaurant Week website, where you can also peruse a list of participating locations.

Are You Closing?

“Are you closing?”
“Yeah, kinda.”

Normally, the correct answer to that question is something along the lines of “Oh, no, we have a ton of sidework to do, we’re going to be here for a while. Take your time, there’s no rush.” Of course, you must know, we don’t really mean that. What we really want is for you to get up and go because, at this point, you’re basically holding us hostage in the restaurant. Don’t get me wrong, I want you to have a good time and I want to provide you with excellent service but when you take advantage of it by sitting in a dining room that’s been otherwise empty for over an hour, I sort of grow to resent you. Just a little bit.

Anyway, I waited on these three older ladies the other night. They were seated at a table in the back of the dining room (where we generally tend to avoid putting late tables because we know that they’re apt to stay longer) and they asked me that question.

“Are you closing?”
“Yeah, kinda.”


Earlier in the night…

A little girl, maybe six years old, decided that she wanted to get dressed up and go out for dinner, so her mom brought her in and they had a nice three-course dinner. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, the little girl didn’t like her grilled chicken, so we got her some chicken fingers instead. Before bringing the check over to these ladies, I had to get my manager to comp the grilled chicken. I approached him at the food bar. He said something along the lines of:

“Yeah, I can do that. Don’t have too much else on my agenda. I mean, the restaurant’s full and I guess we’re busy, but it doesn’t feel like it at all.”

Yes, things were going quite smoothly indeed. I was especially relaxed, as I was training a new server and I let her take the entire section, only providing her with back-up when or if she needed it. This resulted in me standing around a lot, even taking an excursion to Trader Joe’s to pick up a few bottles of wine before they closed.

And then the music started up. And it was loud. My restaurant has live music on Wednesday and Thursday nights, but usually it’s a two or three-piece band. On this night, we had the Mezcla Latin Jazz Ensemble and, I have to say, they were fantastic. But they really were an ensemble. A really, really loud ensemble. You quite literally couldn’t hold a conversation anywhere in the restaurant.

Since all that I had going on was the aforementioned three ladies in the corner, I stood at the host stand to watch the band. Out of nowhere, a woman approached me frantically.

“I need some cold water! And a wet towel or a napkin or something!”

Her panic became contagious and I fumbled around to accommodate her requests:

“Is everything alright?”
“My mother’s sick, she’s not feeling well!”

She had been walking her mother, who was celebrating her 81st birthday, down to the bathroom. As they passed the band, her mother suddenly felt sick and had to sit down.

I went down to check on the situation to find that the older woman had thrown up all over the place, she looked like she was in and out of consciousness. She was crowded by her family and other guests and restaurant staff. The band played on.

Frenzied, I picked up the phone and dialed 9-1-1. I didn’t notice that the line was already in use and, instead of a dial-tone, I was greeted by our grumpy bartender who was oblivious to the situation. He was waiting for the manager to pick up the phone. I had no words for him, I just shuffled to find an open line. I couldn’t get the phone to work, so I grabbed my cell-phone out of my apron and called them. (Interestingly, this is the only restaurant that I’ve worked in where we can use cell-phones during service without getting in trouble. On this particular night, it may have saved a life. Go figure!)

Within three minutes there were three police cars, a fire truck and an ambulance parked in front of the restaurant and a team of emergency workers flooded the downstairs. The band stopped and the restaurant got super quiet. A real awkward quiet, as all eyes in the place were on this poor old woman.

The Guy at Table 71: “Why did you guys turn the music off?”

The Woman at Table 21: “Why did she get sick?” (spoken with attitude, as if it were something that she ate)

The comments flying around the dining room were shockingly insensitive. Suddenly I didn’t really care if a customer overheard me talking about them, as I openly did about the Woman at Table 21.

While all of this was going on, I still had the ladies in the back to take care of. They had arrived at 6:30 and took their sweet time ordering, which is completely fine. It was now after 10. They had been sitting with dessert menus for well over a half hour. I had taken my excursion to Trader Joe’s and back and they still hadn’t done anything. My trainee didn’t know what to do. When she approached the table to take their order (on several occasions), they refused to make eye contact. All they would say was:

“No.”

Eventually the emergency workers got the sick woman strapped to a stretcher and brought her into the ambulance never to be heard from again. We’ll probably never know what happened to her. The band played on.

As the restaurant recovered from the chaos and tried to resume a sense of normalcy, I decided to go over to the three ladies myself. I approached the table and looked at them:

“So, uh, what are we doing?”

They scrambled to formulate a plan. They clearly hadn’t even looked at the menus that they had been sitting on for so long.

“Well, I want coffee, do you want coffee?”
“Oh yes, I’ll definitely have coffee.”
“Will you have a bite of something?”
“I’ll just have a bite. You pick it out.”
“Noreen, will you have a bite?”
“Oh, no, I’m all set. I couldn't eat another bite.”
“Well let’s just split something."
"Do you have decaf?"


It’s the same conversation over and over. I just don’t understand people.

To wrap this up quickly, since this is already running too long, they finished their dessert and we dropped the check. And they let it sit in the middle of the table for another hour. Attempts to collect it were unsuccessful, as they gave us the same silent treatment that they gave us during the dessert process.

PEOPLE – IF YOU’RE GOING TO STAY LATE, AT LEAST JUST PAY THE BILL SO THAT I CAN DO MY CASH-OUT.

At 11:30, I finally approached the table with a huge amount of attitude on my face. I didn’t say anything at all. I just looked at them, like:

WTF?

“Are you closing?”
“Yeah, kinda.”

And then they left me $20 on a $200 check, while thanking me profusely on their way out as I twirled my keys, ready to leave.

Eight Ways to Piss off Your Server

When you go out to eat, you want the server to be on your side. It’s kind of a no-brainer that you want to have a friend “on the inside.” Unfortunately, many people just don’t seem to get it. Instead of treating their servers like a helpful tour guide on their culinary adventure, some act as if they are too good to be bothered. Wake up, people, your servers are not a bunch of bottom-feeding burn-outs. Many of them are intellectuals, working their way through school, and many of them probably make more money than you. I’ve compiled a list of eight common behaviors that are sure to get you on their bad side.

a bitter song for a bitter article.

1. Asking for water is not an appropriate response to “hello, how are you?”

As you may know from, uh, real life, first impressions are everything. When a server comes to greet you, you’re both working from a blank slate. There’s probably no worse way to get on your server’s bad side than by completely blowing off their greeting. You know what? Your server’s not an idiot, obviously you’re going to get your water, but there’s a series of events that has to happen first. Perhaps it’s a weird concept, but a simple exchange of pleasantries to start things off really goes a long way.

2. If you don’t like the sound of a dish, keep it to yourself.

Please refrain from rolling your eyes in disgust when I tell you about the pepper-crusted grilled veal chop special. First of all, I didn’t create the dish and second of all, you’re the one that asked. And just because you think something sounds bad, that speaks more to your poor taste than it does to the quality of the food. So, how about keeping the snide remarks and goofy facial expressions to yourselves, huh?

3. Read the menu before asking a stupid question.

“What does the duck come with?”

“Um, everything that’s listed next to it?”

4. Crying wolf with allergies.

This is a growing trend among restaurant-goers. Somewhere along the line apparently aversions became allergies. Don’t tell me that you’re allergic to onions when you simply don’t like them. It’s a huge pain for the kitchen to go out of their way to accommodate these sorts of requests and being frivolous with them makes your server unsympathetic to allergies across the board. And don’t get me started on gluten “allergies.” These celiac sufferers are often the most demanding people in a restaurant, treating their condition as if it were life and death. It’s not. They just get the shits.

5. Don’t talk to me when I’m at another table.

This is beyond rude and I can’t even believe that it happens, but it does. Usually it’s the elderly crowd, perhaps they don’t know any better, but it doesn’t matter. If you think that tugging on my apron when I’m talking to a table (that I probably like better than you) is going to get you what you want you should probably think again.

6. Don’t flail your arms to get my attention from across the dining room.

Are you drowning? Are you choking? No? Then how about you calm yourself down and act like a grown-up just for one minute? Think you can do that? Yeah, I see you waving your arms around like a crazy person, but I probably won’t acknowledge it.

7. We’re not trying to drug you with caffeine.

People think that servers are like that creepy moustachioed guy hanging out at a bar full of people half his age. We’re not trying to slip you anything, folks, RELAX!
“This is decaf, right??”
“You better give me your phone number so that I can call you when I’m up at three o’clock in the morning!”
Yeah, guess what? I work in a restaurant, I’ll be up at three o’clock. Go ahead, call me up, we’ll party. I’ve never met a server that would give a person high-test coffee when they asked for decaf. If anything, you might get a decaf if you ordered regular but that’s really not a big deal.

8. The dessert bully.

Every table has one and I need to ask you to stop.
“Can I offer you anything for dessert?”
You go around the table and everyone’s all set.
Except you.
You dessert bully.
“If I get something, will you have a bite?”
And then the dominoes fall and, before you know it, you’re mired in a hell of decaf cappucinos and hot teas.
Please, don’t push your dessert on the people around you. They don’t want it and you don’t need it.

I know some of you guys are servers, so what other ways can you think of?

Happy Valentine's Day

Can you feel it? Ohhh yeah, that's love you're feeling. Yeah, that’s right, love is in the air! Valentine’s Day is upon us, ladies and gentlemen! That wonderful day of days where we get to show our loves just how much we care by spending lots of money on them! Valentine’s Day is a holiday that everyone, whether they’re in a relationship or not, seems to be pretty down on. Dismissed by many as a “Hallmark holiday,” there is a deep-seated bitterness regarding the day, yet most feel obligated to celebrate it. If you don’t bring your girl out for a nice dinner then you look like an asshole, right?

Restaurants take advantage of this precarious position that you’ve been put in by societal pressure and use it as an occasion to jack up their prices and push ridiculous specials on you.

(“Bedtime bonus” caviar, anyone? Anyone?)

Indeed, it’s a day that restaurants certainly feel the love. I’m here to tell you not to let them take advantage of you. Instead of recommending some romantic spot to spend your Sunday night, I’ll give you another piece of advice: stay home! If you want to go out for a romantic dinner, the best thing to do is make an agreement to celebrate on a different day. Go out on Monday and enjoy the same food at a significantly lower price in a significantly less crowded dining room.

If you must go out on Sunday, you could go in a different direction. For the past few years Eastern Standard in Kenmore Square has been throwing Boston’s definitive Anti-Valentine’s Day party. While I certainly have my problems with the place, you won’t find a better cocktail list and it should be a fun crowd full of industry types. Also, I found out about this one a little too late but Estragon Tapas in the South End (on Harrison Ave) had their own Anti-Valentine’s Day bash this past Thursday, with complimentary appetizers and $1 PBRs! Even though it already happened, I thought it was worth mentioning because you probably haven’t been to Estragon (and maybe never heard of it), but it’s one of my absolute favorite places in the city and I'll probably write about it in greater detail at a later time.

MGMT

Believe it or not, troublesome guests aren’t the worst people you have to deal with as a server. At least you know that once the check is dropped and paid they’ll be gone and out of your life (sometimes forever, sometimes not). There is another sort of evil element in the restaurant business and this one doesn’t go away quite as easily: the manager. Now, I realize that everyone, regardless of their job, likes to complain about their boss but restaurants are a rare case where employees generally make more money than their managers. This can be a source of frustration for the manager and frustration can lead to conflict. And it often does.

Abraham Lincoln said, "Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.”

Many of the restaurant managers that I've worked with have been great people that have used the job as a good resume builder. Others have let the job go to their head, using their position as a way to control and abuse people. With low expectations for upward mobility, especially in smaller family-owned restaurants, some managers can become consumed with their feelings of inferiority and unleash against a poor and unsuspecting staff. Tearing people down, even when they’re doing a good job, is a great way for these people to feel better about themselves and forget, for just a minute, about their own shortcomings (both in their career and in life).

I recently left a job because of one of these animals. I had worked at this particular restaurant for quite some time. Longer than I had ever planned on working in any restaurant, really. The money was consistent, I had an ideal schedule, and I had some amazing regular customers. For the most part, I enjoyed it and I actually cared about the restaurant. Over my time there I had several disputes with the GM, but we got along for the most part. I think that we were even friends at one point.

And then he went to the Dark Side.

Spending fifteen hours a day locked in an office with your future father-in-law (yes, he was engaged to the boss’ daughter – and she made more money than him – another source of frustration) will make your brain weak. It might even make you feel like less of a man. Eventually a once (relatively) well-rounded individual became a robot focused on “perfect service.” Now, I firmly believe that providing perfect service is the restaurant’s (and server’s) ultimate goal for every guest experience but he took it too far. It consumed him. Chasing pregnant waitresses around on busy Saturday nights, yelling at them in the sidestand because they forgot to mark a table with a soup spoon is unacceptable behavior. It creates a tension in the restaurant, and amongst the staff, that the guest can perceive, thereby undermining our goal of perfect service. Duh.

Upon learning of said waitress’ pregnancy -
Idiot GM: Ooh, I’m sorry to hear that.

This guy generally laid off of me and left me to my own devices but the rest of the staff would always tell me about the awful things he would say and do to them. Over time, as the offenses piled up higher and higher and his behavior became more and more crazy, my opinion of him fell until the respect that was once there dried up entirely.

The resentment bubbled for months before the inevitable showdown.

Taking him up on his “open-door” policy, I approached him about his troubling behavior. Having been friends at one point, long ago, I tried to talk to him as such. Unfortunately, there is no sense of reason inside the mind of a monster. Instead of a conversation, he baited me into an all-out argument. The words that came out of his mouth were lies. Concoctions of a deranged mind.

So that’s how it was going to be.

The restaurant simply wasn’t big enough for the two of us anymore.

I offered my notice, saying that I would leave at the end of the year. He responded by telling me that I could leave right then and there.

And so I did.

Anyway, in honor of the title of this post, here's a video! Enjoy!